Recently, I’ve found myself in several unprompted conversations about ‘relationship deal breakers.’
“If a woman doesn’t get my Top Gun references, I can’t be with her.”
“If a man doesn’t know what a haiku poem is, he’s not for me.”
“I would never stay with someone who doesn’t pay on the first date.”
“Has bad teeth? No deal.”
As humans, we don’t particularly enjoy being in a state of cognitive dissonance.
So it makes sense that we conceive these kinds of “rules” to filter out people who may not accord with our values and ideas.
No matter how superficial.
The result being that when some unsuspecting potential lover fails the deal-breaker test… well, they’re swiftly and unceremoniously disqualified from the race.
Although there are some almost universally recognisable deal breakers – one wants kids, the other doesn’t; one believes in monogamy, the other doesn’t – the irredeemable romantic in me is not a fan of the deal-breaker concept.
After all, love is not a transaction. Not a deal to be made.
It’s more an imperceptible
paroxysm of emotion
sexual attraction, butterflies and chemical reactions.
Some kind of drug, that surely only the most potent of deal-breakers could give up.
That being said, someone recently pointed out their appreciation of my correct use of “your” and “you’re”.
To a word-lover like myself, compliments don’t come much higher.
So do I, too, have my very own indiscernible grammar-related deal-breaker?
Or is it better conceptualised as a deal-maker?
You see, coming up with deal-breakers is a relatively easy task. It’s taking the glass half empty approach.
But if someone asked you what your top five deal-makers are, the job becomes a lot tougher.
- Someone who listens, and remembers the little things.
- Authenticity. Someone who’s not afraid to share their secrets, show affection, admit faults.
- Someone who appreciates nice things in life, but equally can be at home, with me, in track pants, and want for nothing else.
- Someone who is patient when I try on 15 different outfits, but ballsy enough to call me out when I’m being a brat.
- Someone whose eyes don’t wander. Who believes that I am enough.
While sifting through the important deal-makers is hard, the reward is much greater.
It’s the glass half full approach.
when you focus on the deal-makers,
the deal breakers slip away.